Author: Karen Edwards

During sleep training, many parents become anxious about their baby crying once placed in their crib. This is quite understandable, but there are ways to make the process easier for both the baby and the parent. We will explore nine ways that you can soothe and comfort your baby in the crib during the sleep training process without picking them up. Remember, during sleep training, the goal is to eliminate sleep props that the baby has grown comfortable with and instead develop their own self-soothing techniques to fall asleep independently. Feeding and being held to sleep are the two most common sleep props and the two most difficult to eliminate. So, during sleep training, how can you comfort and soothe your baby once they start crying without picking them up?

1. Use Verbal Reassurance – speak softly or use a calming phrase like “It’s night-night time” or “It’s okay, I’m right here” to help remind them that it’s time to sleep. Reassure  them with a soft, soothing tone, but avoid lingering too long or engaging in ‘conversations’ with older children
2. Gentle Touch – you can place a hand on their chest or back to provide comfort or hold their hand. Hug your baby by leaning over the crib and placing your cheek against theirs. You can also gently rub the area between their eyes (the top part of the bridge of the nose) as it relaxes and helps put them to sleep. You may prop your baby on his side and rub his back in a gentle circular motion. Use gentle, rhythmic pats to calm and soothe
3. Shushing Sounds – make a “shhh” sound to mimic the womb environment. You can also use a white noise machine to help calm and soothe your baby by blocking out any external noises
4. Comfort with Smell – place a small item with your scent near the crib, like a piece of clothing. Always ensure that it’s safe and away from the baby’s reach. You can also sleep with your baby’s lovey for a few nights before beginning the sleep training process to get your scent on the lovey to place in their crib
5. Adjust the Environment –check for discomforts like room temperature, lighting, and noise. Also, ensure that the baby is swaddled securely (if age-appropriate) or dressed comfortably.
6. Pacifier (if used) – offer a pacifier if your baby finds it soothing, and baby can re-insert it himself once it falls out during the night
7. Gentle Rocking: Lay the baby on his side and place one hand on his back and one on his bottom. Gently rock back and forth until he calms. This works well for babies who like to be held to sleep. Also, if your crib allows safe rocking, a gentle movement can help settle the baby.
8. Minimal Interaction – keep interactions brief and calming to avoid over-stimulation. Avoid eye contact if your baby becomes more alert/aware
9. Wait-and-Observe – allow short intervals of crying before intervening, as your baby might begin to settle and self-soothe during those wait periods

These techniques balance comforting your baby while helping them learn to self-soothe, which is an essential part of the sleep training process.

When it comes to sleep training, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Every baby is unique, and so is every family’s approach to nurturing healthy sleep habits. The good news? You have options! Whether you prefer a gentle, gradual approach, or a more structured method, the choice is yours. The key is to select a method that aligns with your family’s comfort level and your baby’s age and temperament.

This blog explores some of the different sleep training methods available and the pros and cons of each method, helping you feel confident and informed as you make the best choice for your family.

I. The Shush-Pat Method

The shush-pat method is a gentle method that combines soothing sounds (shushing) and gentle physical touch (patting) to help baby learn to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. The gentle shushing and patting are done in a rhythmic way to mimic the womb’s comforting environment. 

The Pros:

1. This method is gentle and nonintrusive, helping soothe babies without leaving them to cry alone. It is a good option for parents who prefer a gentle approach.
2. It helps build associations as it teaches babies to associate the shush-pat motion and sound with sleep, which can gradually allow them to settle independently
3. Effective for younger babies (typically less than 5 months of age)
4. It is customizable in the sense that it can be adapted based on the baby’s preferences, such as patting rhythm or volume of the shushing sounds

The Cons:

1. This method can be time-consuming, especially in the early stages of introducing it, as it takes a long time to soothe the baby.
2. It can be physically demanding as it requires parents to lean over the crib or hold the baby, which can be tiring, especially during nighttime wakings. 
3. There is the risk of dependency as some babies may come to rely on the shushing and patting and struggle to self-soothe without it.
4. It is limited in usefulness for certain temperaments, as some babies may find patting or shushing stimulating or disruptive, making the method counterproductive. 

II. The Pick-up, Put down Method

This gentle method is designed to help babies learn to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own without relying heavily on rocking, feeding, or other external comforting methods. Parents pick up the baby to soothe them when they cry, then put them back down when they are calm. This is repeated as needed.  This method works best for parents who are patient and consistent, and for babies who need gentle reassurance rather than prolonged crying to settle.

The pros:  

1. It’s a gentle approach, making it a good choice for parents who prefer a gentler alternative to cry-it-out methods
2. It teaches self-soothing as, over time, babies learn to fall asleep on their own while still feeling supported by their caregiver.
3. Parents can respond to their baby’s needs, strengthening the parent-child bond.
4. Effective for younger babies (4 – 6 months of age) who may not be ready for more independent sleep training methods.

The Cons:

1. It is time–consuming, especially in the beginning, as parents may need to repeat the steps many times in one night.
2. It requires patience and can be physically and emotionally exhausting for parents, as frequent pick-ups and put-downs can disrupt their own sleep.
3. This method is not suitable for all babies. Some will find the picking up and putting down too overstimulating, making it harder for them to settle.
4. Possible sleep associations can form if not implemented consistently, and baby might come to rely on being picked up and put down as a sleep association, which could hinder long-term sleep independence.   

III. The Chair-in-Room Method

The chair-in-room method involves gradually moving away from your baby’s crib over several nights, helping them become comfortable with falling asleep independently. This approach allows parents to offer comfort and reassurance without engaging in active interactions with their baby, helping them learn to fall asleep independently while still feeling secure in a parent’s presence. 

The Pros:

1. This method allows for the gradual transition to independent sleep, making it less distressing for both the baby and the caregiver.
2. Parental presence can help reduce anxiety and build trust as baby learns to self-soothe.
3. This method has a customizable pace, as parents can adjust the speed of the process to fit their child’s temperament and readiness, moving the chair only when the child is comfortable.
4. It is suitable for all ages (babies, toddlers, or even older children) who need reassurance as they develop their sleep skills.

The Cons:

1. This process can take several weeks, requiring patience and consistency, which may be challenging for busy parents.
2. There is the potential for dependency as some children may become reliant on the parent’s presence, making it harder to progress to full independence.
3. It can be challenging for multiple caregivers if the child is used to one caregiver’s presence, and it can become difficult for others to replicate the process.
4. There is a risk of stagnation. Without consistent progress in moving the chair, the process can stall, leaving the parent stuck in the room for an extended period of time. 

IV. The Quick-Checks Method

The Quick-Check method, sometimes called controlled comforting, allows parents to check on their baby at regular intervals while allowing them the opportunity to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. This allows parents to have some control over the sleep training process as they get to choose the amount of time they’re comfortable waiting before going in to check on their baby, as well as the degree of comfort they provide during the check-ins, from soft verbal encouragement to brief physical touch in the crib to fully picking up the baby. 

The Pros:

1. Promotes independence as this method encourages the child to self-soothe and learn independent sleep skills while the parent is away from the room
2. Provides reassurance as frequent but short visits reassure the child that the caregiver is present and attentive.
3. Encourages a structured approach that supports predictable routines for the child.
4. Compared to leaving baby alone for extended periods, quick checks can reduce separation anxiety.
5. Many parents find this method easier to implement emotionally than full extinction (leaving the baby alone entirely until they fall asleep)

The Cons:

1. This method can be stimulating as frequent visits can make it harder for baby to settle.
2. Parents may still feel guilt or discomfort hearing their baby cry, even during brief absences.
3. If not done properly, quick checks can confuse the child about whether the caregiver will return or stay.
4. Sensitive or strong-willed children might find the interruptions more distressing.

V. Wake and Sleep Method

With this method, the parent will gently rouse the baby just before a usual waking time in order to reset their sleep cycle.

The Pros

1. Helps babies transition between sleep cycles, leading to longer stretches of sleep
2. Gentle and low-stress approach since it doesn’t involve prolonged crying, which can be comforting for parents
3. It improves predictability in that by addressing habitual wake-up times; parents can help babies develop more consistent sleep patterns
4. Encourages self-soothing. Waking the baby slightly encourages them to resettle independently, a skill that can benefit them long-term
5. It is customizable to the baby’s needs in that parents can adapt how much they rouse the baby depending on their sleep behaviors and responses

The Cons

1. May disrupt deep sleep as waking the baby during a restorative phase of sleep can interrupt their rest and make them overtired
2. Requires precision in timing as parents need to closely observe their baby’s sleep patterns to wake them at the right moment, which can be challenging
3. There is the risk of unintentionally waking the baby fully if not done carefully, leading to frustration for both the baby and the parent
4. This method is not suitable for all babies. Babies with sensitive sleep patterns or those who are overtired may not respond well to this method

In conclusion, here are a few things to consider as you decide on sleep training help for your baby

1. Patience and consistency – patience and consistency are crucial to the success of any method, so be consistent with the steps and patient with the progress. Remember, your baby is learning a new skill of falling asleep independently, and it will take time
2. Baby’s age and temperament – some methods will work better than others depending on the baby’s age, developmental stage, and personality  
3. Parental comfort – choose a method that aligns with your family’s values and emotional well-being. After all, you know your baby best and what works in your household

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A baby will cycle between periods of deep sleep and light sleep as the night progresses. These sleep cycles are short, lasting approximately 30 to 45 minutes. This means a baby will transition between sleep cycles multiple times during the night and a couple of times during a nap.

It is very common for a baby to wake up as they transition through these sleep cycles. If the baby has been helped to sleep by the parent(s) or has relied on ‘sleep props’ at bedtime, they will have difficulty falling back asleep on their own upon waking during the night. This reliance often results in frequent night wakings or short naps during the day.

When a baby does not know how to fall asleep independently, they will cry out or signal to their parent(s) every time they wake during the night. They seek the same help to return to sleep as they received at bedtime. This can disrupt much-needed rest for both the baby and the parent(s).

Think about it: if you went to sleep in your own bed, in your own room, in your own house, but woke up in the middle of the night to find yourself lying on the floor in a basement, would you simply roll over, snuggle into your pillow, and go back to sleep? No! You would be instantly alarmed, and your fight-or-flight response would immediately kick in because how and where you fell asleep is entirely different from where you woke up.

It is the same for your baby. If your baby fell asleep nursing in your arms, feeling warm and snuggly while being gently rocked, then wakes up all alone in their crib with no sign of you, they will naturally feel alarmed. They will cry out and signal for you to return and recreate the conditions in which they initially fell asleep.

If you respond by helping your baby back to sleep, this cycle will continue. A short while later, they will wake again, find that the conditions are different, and cry out for help. This means you will need to assist them back to sleep repeatedly throughout the night.

Teaching your baby to fall asleep independently is essential. When a baby learns this skill, they can go back to sleep on their own after waking during the night. If they wake up and know how to self-soothe, they can quickly and easily fall back asleep with minimal disruption for everyone.